As I slowly surfaced from the inky black oblivion toward the light, I had the nagging sensation that something wasn’t right. At that instant I exploded into the light opening my eyes and wishing to every deity known that I hadn’t. It felt like my brain was being consumed by brain boring beetles (they actually exist.) My brain sensibly for once, not wishing to even remember that mission, transformed the pain in to what felt like a quantum singularity trying to escape the confinement of my cranium. Closing my eyes again I lay perfectly still, that nagging feeling of something being off impinging on the edge of my consciousness.
Eyes still firmly shut, as it wouldn’t do to aggravate the singularity, I took stock of my surroundings. Immediately the thought, that things weren’t all they should be, started to surface in my mind. I was naked, and I had no recollection of removing my clothes. That might have had something to do with the amount of alcohol I had ingested the night before, which explained the planetary sized gaps in my memory and why there was a singularity in my head. It still didn’t explain why the bed was so much more comfortable than my bunk in my Federation assigned quarters. The good news was it meant I wasn’t in the drunk tank in the brig, being forced into playing the lead role of mommy in “Bubba’s” favourite game of moms and dads. It seemed I had some catching up to do. My last memories were of going for drinks with Niall, then getting a call from the guys at Evolution demanding my presence for a celebration.
I remember arriving finding the party in full swing, girls dressed as imperial concubines except with far less clothing were circulating. The girls were handing out drinks, dancing erotically on the table in the conference room, in Evolutions main headquarters, others were “mingling” with the pilots. Here and there stalked men who were the embodiment of ancient Greek Gods of Terra, features so chiselled and perfect they had to come from a standard line of clones. They were here to entertain the female pilots and anyone else who happened to have preferences in that direction. It was a good party, I remember seeing the guys celebrating and having a “couple” of drinks with them. After that my mind was a complete blank except for single frames that came back to me in no coherent order or sense. Given my brain had decided to erase said memories from existence, then it obviously wasn’t quite as dull as it pretended to be. At least I had plausible deniability if I had indeed committed an act that might later be looked upon with at best disdain, but most likely being punched, or worse. I felt a very warm and soft hand stroking lazy circles round my stomach and chest. Steeling myself for impending explosion of the singularity in my head, I opened my eyes. Things weren’t bad at all, in fact from my perspective it was positively good. The singularity hadn’t exploded showering the room with gore and for that I was grateful, it seemed content to pulsate with menace. I looked at attractive the hand stroking me and the very attractive woman it was attached to. As I took in my surroundings I realised that Amanda had really gone up in the world, by that I meant the corporate ladder. The view from her apartment was breath taking. Situated on the outside of the station, huge plex glass windows and force barriers showed a vista that you only really saw from space. It was like we were hanging precariously above the planet below, poised to drop to fiery oblivion. The first hints of sunrise beginning to peak round the curvature of the planet creating a fiery corona as the radiation from the star bled through the upper atmosphere. I laid there for what felt like at eternity just staring at the view. The lithe form of Amanda started to stir and coil herself round me. As the blood began to evacuate my cranium and my hormones threatened another mutiny, I was brought sharply back to reality by a sharp pain down my back. Amanda was raking her nails painfully down my back.
“Good morning to you too” I said wincing, “Please be gentle I’m feeling a little fragile here”
She squirmed round until she was sat on top of me, her pert chest straining against the flimsy t-shirt she wore. She smiled that delicious smile of hers and tried to slap me. This time I was prepared, I caught her wrist then rolled over pinning her beneath me.
“Fool me once” I quoted and she smiled that supernova of a smile and said “Get off me you ox, you smell like a distillery and your breath could strip the shields from a guard frigate. Go freshen up and I’ll make some breakfast, then you can grovel apologetically and beg for my forgiveness”
“Yes mistress” I replied trying not to breathe too much. Now that she had mentioned it, my olfactory senses informed me I did indeed fit her description of me. I climbed off her, taking a long lingering look for good measure before heading towards the bathroom. As I entered I took a look at myself in the mirror, I looked like I had just returned from a week long bender. The worst of it was, I was all too familiar with what that look was, having seen it too many times before. I availed myself of the facilities somewhat hurt by the fact that Amanda hadn’t joined me in the shower. I obviously had some serious making up to do. I exited the bathroom to the aroma of breakfast, my stomach growled enthusiastically. Clean shaven, smelling fresh and looking it despite the bags beneath my eyes. I was clad in a towel as I still had no idea where my clothes were, I started looking round the bed and Amanda informed they were being cleaned as they smelt so bad she was sure they almost qualified as a form of sentient life and were so stained with who knows what (I was sure I didn’t want to know) that she had put them in the sonic cleaner. She said I could find a few of my older clothes from when we were together in a box in the back of her closet. Looking through the closet I found the box and also found a distinct lack of anyone else’s clothes which meant Amanda was single OR hadn’t found anyone she wanted to share her personal space with. This day keeps getting better I thought, until I went through the box of clothes. Again the irony of the universe is cruel and unusual, in the box was a pair of boxer shorts with little ducks on (a joke Christmas present), a t-shirt with the logo “Trainee Gynaecologist” on the front, on the back “No experience but willing to take a look” was printed. I couldn’t find any bottoms, but at least I still had my boots with me, I would have to wait for the sonic cleaner’s cycle to finish. I emerged from the closet to fits of laughter from Amanda when she saw me. I weathered with the laughter with as much aplomb as I could manage wearing “little ducky” boxers and the obscene t-shirt.
Breakfast smelt like heaven, there were bacon, eggs, toast and sausages. It was made from real meat as well, not the synthetic stuff that was normal fare. Cooked by a gorgeous woman wearing nothing but a tiny pair of panties and t-shirt far too small and revealing, to actually qualify as a garment. Apart from my headache I was sure that if this was the after life or whatever those anti re-life religious nutters were constantly going on about, then maybe I had died and gone to heaven.
As I sat down with Amanda at the breakfast bar looking out into space, I began eating with enthusiasm. The singularity kept making grumblings about wanted to explode forth so, I started cycling through the control programs for the body that my nano link came installed with. Man could fly across the expanse of the void, travel faster than the speed of light, yet with all this technology at our disposal, no one could come up with a decent cure for a hangover. The closest my link could come to helping rid me of my headache was increasing my metabolism to help break down the alcohol faster and release endorphins and a load of other things which I probably couldn’t spell that ended with “in”. The result was that my headache had started to improve greatly, combined with the fantastic breakfast and the view (I wasn’t referring to the one out the window if that’s what you’re thinking), I was beginning to feel like my membership to the human race had at least been partially renewed. Although knowing my luck it was probably only temporary.